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Love & Grief Birthdays in Heaven

The other day, I was in the Hallmark store looking for a birthday card for a friend. As my eyes scrolled through the rows of cards, I found the card section for “Him.” My stomach dropped like an elevator with a broken cable as my stomach crashed to the floor. My eyes filled up with tears as they landed on the tab that read “SON.” My eyes jerked from one To My Son card to the next with messages like “To the Most Amazing Son” and “Son You Bring So Much Joy, I love You So Much.” Another meltdown in a public place was coming… This time the mosh pit of grief was different. I was able to fight back the tears, took a few deep breaths that I refused to believe worked until now. I heard my grief counselor in my head telling me deep breaths Holly, slowly breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. After almost three years of grief work, I could hear her voice now; the pain was not so loud. I did my breathing exercises and felt the emotions of pain and anger make their way back into the darkness as it closed the door. My stomach raised itself off the floor and the nausea eased up. The tears rolled themselves back into their grief pool, the blurriness subsided, and I was able to focus and find the perfect card for my friend. I gave the card to the lady at the register, and she asked me how I was doing today. “Doing good, hope you are” I said. Derek turns 31 years old today in heaven. “Happy birthday to the most amazing son, you bring me so much joy. I love you so much.” Baby steps Holly.

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